100+ Funny Business Quotes That Make People Laugh

These funny business quotes will make you laugh out loud. They are perfect for presentations, videos, and blog posts to engage your audience.

If you think having an entrepreneurial spirit is to act all “business as usual”, you will be surprised that entrepreneurs can actually have a good laugh at themselves by passing around funny business quotes.

Yes, even I find it amusing that the funniest guys are often those who have succeeded in their businesses and are living a life of immense abundance..

This just goes to show that wittiness comes in handy not only for breaking the ice during business talks but also provides practical advice hidden behind humorous words.

Thus, without further ado, let me share with you more than a hundred funny business quotes that will make you LOL and later become thoughtful at how strikingly real their “hidden wisdom” is.

100+ Funny Business Quotes That Make People Laugh

1. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be the boss and work twelve hours a day.” Robert Frost

2. “I don’t want Yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth, even if it costs them their jobs.” – Samuel Goldwyn

3. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

4. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams

5. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

6. “Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?” – Steve Jobs

7. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vidal Sassoon

8. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” – WC Fields

9. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright

10. “The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” – Lilly Tomlin

11. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms” – Michael Scott

12. “If you see a bandwagon, it’s too late.” – James Goldsmith

13. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde

14. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama

15. “Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring.” – Steve Maraboli

16. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” – Kin Hubbard

17. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand

18. “Success means only doing what you do well, letting somebody else do the rest.” Goldstein S Truism

19. “Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.” – George Bernard Shaw

20. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

21. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.”- Lily Tomlin

22. “Bad decisions make good stories.” – Ellis Vidler

23. “I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” – Cassandra Duffy

24. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

25. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

26. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love

27. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower

28. “Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi

29. “If at first you don’t succeed, you are running about average.” – MH Alderson

30. “Delegating work works, provided the one who is delegating works, too.” – Robert Half

31. “Get the right people on the bus and in the right seat.” – Jim Collins

32. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade…And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White

33. “The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.” – Joseph Stilwell

34. “If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” – J Paul Getty

35. “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

36. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas Eddison

37. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” Billie Burke

38. “Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.” – Karl Marx

39. “The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from those who are still undecided.” – Casey Stengel

40. “Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it, and that’s true anywhere in the world.” – Andrew Young

41. “Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.” – Howard Aiken

42. “Business opportunities are like buses; there’s always another one coming.” – Richard Branson

43. “There’s an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.” – Peter Drucker

44. “Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.” – Doug Larson

45. “If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.” – J. Paul Getty

46. “Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.” – Edward Abbey

47. “If at first, you don’t succeed, take the tax loss.” – Kirk Kirkpatrick

48. “A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.” – William Feather

49. “The politicians say ‘we’ can’t afford a tax cut. Maybe we can’t afford the politicians.” – Steve Forbes

50. “Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual.” – Ambrose Bierce

51. “Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.” – Spike Milligan

52. “If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.” – Benjamin Franklin

53. “It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.” – PJ O’Rourke

54. “Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.” – David Sarnoff

55. “Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.” – TS Eliot

56. “The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” – Stanley J. Randall

57. “The question, ‘Who ought to be boss?’ is like asking, ‘Who ought to be the tenor in the quartet?’ Obviously, the man who can sing tenor.” – Henry Ford

58. “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” – Margaret Thatcher

59. “Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.” – Stephen Butler Leacock

60. “Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing.” – Billy Rose

61. “It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.” – Adlai Stevenson

62. “One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” – Bertrand Russell

63. “Beware of any enterprise requiring new clothes.” – Henry Thoreau

64. “You never become a howling success by just howling.” – Bob Harrington

65. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” – Bill Gates

66. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

67. “Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these word: Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Polish Proverb

68. “Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.” – Charles Barkley

69. “An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.” – Sam Ewing

70. “Eagles soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.” Steven Wright

71. “Few great men would have got past personnel.” Paul Goodman

72. “The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.” Scott Adams (Dilbert)

73. “If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn’t have a job if he was smarter.” – Albert Grant

74. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

75. “Life is like the stock market. Some days you’re up. Some days you’re down. And some days you feel like something the bull left behind.” – Paula Wall

76. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson

77. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire

78. “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova

79. “Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing until you get there.” – Josh Billings

80. “Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” – Helen Gurley Brown

81. “Money is the best deodorant.” – Elizabeth Taylor

82. “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” – Franklin P. Jones

83. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

84. “The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard

85. “Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

86. “Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.” – George S. Patton

87. “Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.” – Max Amsterdam

88. “You do not lead by hitting people over the head–that’s assault, not leadership.” – Dwight Eisenhower

89. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” – Oscar Wilde

90. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

91. “Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.” – Sam Ewing

92. “The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” – Theodore Roosevelt

93. “I don’t like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves.” – Joe Louis

94. “I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.” – Ron Kittle, 1987

95. “Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.” – A.A. Latimer

96. “If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.” – George Gobel

97. “Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders.” – Sloan Wilson

98. “If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion.” – George Bernard Shaw

99.“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” – Peter Ustinov

100. “When I finally got a management position, I found out how hard it is to lead and manage people.” – Guy Kawasaki

101. “Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” – Max Asnas

102. “We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.” – Keith Davis

103. “It is a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to lead — and find no one there.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

104. “If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” Errol Flynn

105. “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” – Jackie Mason

106. “Leadership involves finding a parade and getting in front of it.” – John Naisbitt

107. “A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” – Franklin Jones

108. “Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” – Henny Youngman

109. “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” – Malcolm Forbes

110. “What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” – Mark Twain

111. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit” – George Carlin

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Conclusion

The next time you plan to give speeches or a presentation, it would be great if you start with some funny business quotes to perk up the interest of your colleagues and clients.

Not only do they offer a little chuckle and an icebreaker, but they also give a piece of advice that no one would have thought so useful as they are hilarious.

I hope that you end up laughing at all the quotes I’ve listed down in this blog post.

Business success and goal setting are massive passions of mine, and I have many more posts and videos to help you reach your goals so stick around and see what else I can help you with by checking out the links below.

Sources

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216602000322

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216606001780

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6330304/

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• 100+ Funny Business Quotes That Make People Laugh

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